God's work is done--He's retiring

HEAVEN -- God, who has been ruling the universe since it was created, today, formally announced he is stepping down. Here is the latest from the Disassociated Press:

"Now that, governments are doing God's work, there's little need for God's services. With governments promising to meet every need, he's gone from feeling omnipotent to feeling impotent," his spokes angel said.

It is reported by some that he is being pushed out.  Some say it was the nuns who convinced him it was time to go; apparently the writing was on the wall when the nuns decided to back Obama's health care plan. 

"No more fishing for men, now he'll be fishing less metaphorically," the messenger joked to a reporter when asked how God will keep himself busy.

Reportedly when he leaves he's taking charity with him.  In a phone interview with the Disassociated Press he said, "There's little need for charity now that governments legislate giving to the poor.  It is not charity to let politicians redistribute. They keep a significant portion to line their pockets and leave crumbs for the poor." 

Clearly agitated, he went on: "It really ruins it for everyone when taxation is used as a replacement for heartfelt charity.  I could no longer bless the giver--since they end up giving out of fear of the tax authorities; the government just gets more bloated and corrupt; and the needy receive far less than they could.  Meanwhile, often the person receiving the gift, uh...payment [sic], takes it from a sense of entitlement--after all, that's what governments are there to do, right?  Now people are taught by government run schools that it's their right to be taken care of.  They use this to justify over taxation and the socialization of healthcare and whole industries."

In response to a question about his son's comment, "give unto Caesar what is Caesar's", he had this to say, "I've heard some politicians say God's people should not oppose taxation, where those taxes may fund welfare.  Even some of my own clergy advocate such government action--calling it 'social justice'.  It is wrong for any government to take from a man what that man could give to another out of charity.  Robbing a man of an opportunity to be charitable is evil.  Those person-to-person acts of charity created lasting connections between people--while filtering the money through the government takes away the chance for such a connection to form.  What really gets my goat is that most of the politicians advocating this faux charity are themselves less charitable than the rich that they vilify." 

"But who am I to judge?" he quipped.

"On the bright side, we do have these governments to thank for blessing so many.  As my son said, 'blessed are the poor'--these governments have managed to make so many poor," he said as he wrapped up the interview.  Leave it to God to find the silver lining.  He will be missed.

In related news, reportedly Hell will annex another chunk of Hades in order to accommodate all the newly arrived corrupt politicians.  Turns out, as hard as it is for a rich man to make it to heaven, it is apparently even harder for a politician to avoid Hell.